So tell me why, you don't care enough to try

Today we had our first fishy funeral of many. Of course the $7.00 goldfish died after 1 day. I am sure it was my fault, it always is! The tank is all cloudy..I am sure the other fish will soon follow its friend down the tunnel aka the toilet. Dylan was very confused. LOL He just threw his hands up like what the hell is going on. I guess I should have just tried to hide it from him

I would have to say that we had a GREAT day! I actually got a lot done around the house and Dylan was really good. We had fun! The house is starting to look really nice and I plan to keep it that way. It was definitely nice to sit down at 7:30 and not have to worry about the house being a mess. There are still a million little things I could do but sometimes I think I need to force myself to chill out.

So, my classes start tomorrow. Child psychology and personality theories - and I may or may not be taking ASL 2. I have been back and forth with trying to decide to take it and today I faxed over the registration to enroll but I think they may have not gotten it. If not then I am just going to skip it..It would mean giving up my work shift on Wednesday nights and a little more stress than I probably need right now. Hopefully I can get on the ball myself and start working on learning.

Karla is coming tomorrow night and we are suppose to go out Thursday night if I dont have class. I am sure going out will turn into dinner and a movie. As much as sometimes I wish I could go "out" out its just not me anymore. I don't those kind of scenes and I really don't like to drink. Good for me right? Maybe when I lose weight and feel morel like myself again I will be more into going out and meeting people..That will be a long time from now ..it may never be that way..its definitely not my focus.

I seem to be doing good. Sometimes I get in the mode where I really feel like I need to do everything possible to make my marriage work..but I know its out of my hands at this point. Dylan is more important to me then crying over "spilled milk"..he needs me to be strong...and what do I have to be upset about? I am the one that gets to spend everyday watching my grow up..what more can I ask for!!!

To much walkin', shoes worn thin

So how come I always start these blogs when things aren't going well for Shawn and I? Is it because I have more time to do it or is just because I have all these thoughts built up inside that I need to get out? Probably both...I don't know. I also start listening to music more and reading into the lyrics. I guess they are both things that help me get through things. I don't know how I would survive without music. I almost hate saying that because I don't know if my son will ever get to full enjoy music. I find it so amazing now that he loves music..he loves listening to it on my phone and his little ipod and he adores the guitar. I hope that he is really getting to hear it. I think music is one of the main things that would make me say yes to a cochlear implant. I guess that is just something that we will know in time. If he gets older and says that is what he wants then that is what he will get...for now, he is the happiest little boy ever, so why change anything?

 The marraige counselor told me to find something to help me relax at night. I dont really have any particular hobbies to do so I figure maybe writing in this everynight will help. Soon I will have school work to keep me busy though so we will see.

On an amazing note, Dylan said "Fishy"....Its hard to believe because its a hard word to say but he said it and in context as well!! GO lil man, mommy loves you!