I feel like writing but I do not know what to write about.. This IS becoming therapeutic for me. I missed my appointment today with the therapist because I was not feeling well, but I was hoping it would give me a chance to talk about some of the issues I am having with Dylan and get some advice. I have been seeing her since Shawn left and I was attempting to save my marriage, I usually just go when I am having a bad week. I am so tired tonight I think I may go to bed before 10 LOL. It is hard to do even when I am tired because I enjoy my nights alone...well I would enjoy them more with some company but you know what I mean. I went to lunch with Shawn today and to dinner and to the PX. It went well. I guess its because I just don't care anymore..I do not have any feelings left for him .. I am in a new place. I think one thing that is helping me is that I have been thinking of ways and things that I need to do in order to get a divorce and still financially be alright. I feel sooo much better about the situation because I now know that it is possible. I think the fear of that was one thing that was making things much harder for me so I am happy that I now know more! He was surprised at how Dylan was acting at dinner but I told him that is how he ALWAYS acts with me...he doesn't understand because Dylan is different around him. Of course kids are different around a person / parent who is raising them. I think it shed some light on how difficult it is to raise a 3 year old all alone. I don't know..I just want him to understand. Although the day went well it didn't end without the usual drama..just another validation of why I am glad I am not in that situation anymore. My old perspective was that I would have done anything to save my marriage, of course not keep it going like it was..I know now its not possible and that its best the way it is. I will be happier, my son will ultimately be happier, and someday we will look back and say "this is the reason this happened..." and I am sure it will be a good one :) So in my last entry I talked about the things that Dylan needs to bring to bed. Well when I went upstairs I noticed that on my nightstand there was his necklace, calculator, and book...when he came in bed with me when I was already asleep he brought it all with him LOL..too freakin cute! Well my best friend is moving away Sunday..I doubt I will get to see her before she goes...she is busy.. I am leaving tomorrow night...sigh.. I don't even know what to tell my son..oh well I guess...